rachel, maybe

don't waste the day by laying down,
you'll get nowhere til your feet can touch the ground
and don't close your eyes to hide the sun
but to block the wind when you start to run

why do people die in threes?
a comfort counting tick the living need
to keep the game intact while these
the waking up, they won't be coming back

every morning we arise
to keep the fire burning, to devise
new ways to count the empty eyes
that turn away and let our stomachs sink

---

i swear i'll take my caffeine high
over a slow heart beat any day
anything to feel that little rise
anything to keep the shy away
even if the drugs that make me lie
follow when it matters what i say
i can't imagine anyone would try
i can't come down when i am in this state

---

he asked me for a first kiss and closed his eyes
i put my hand in place of lips, he brought it to his mouth
said "all the things you built and held on to
taste better than all the words you've ever said"
 

www.addictedtoveggies.blogspot.com

red orange yellow green blue indigo violet
one two three four five six seven
ay bee ci dee ee ef gee
*cough*

i'm tired and i want chocolate
but i can't open my mouth, because it hurts.
it hurts to open my mouth for chocolate
but this is all i really want

i had a dream when i napped today
that a familiar stranger slept in my home
the stranger was nicer than i had imagined
and i left my sleep with a smile (though it still hurt).



what a terrible
time to get a tooth pulled
i must pack to move

man you see as god
(fellow of infinite jest)
laughs at my haikus.

i am told my name
was likened to an author
an insult? far from.
is haiku truly
a way to express fully
the intricate world

something so beautiful, bending warped and fading perception of the interactions between yourself and mankind. other people rushing by, looking and teasing and loving but not deeply. it's all on the surface, some of it left just beneath the skin, waiting to be found out, expecting to be found without words. without actions. but without these, what do we have? only the truest forms of feeling, raw and undefined, can be perceived with no preconceptions. we accept the love we think we deserve, as stated by so many now, before and so on; is this true? we may not accept love, or for that matter, hatred or other intensities - but when and why we realize these define when and why (and how) we react to them. when do we love back, feeling the same ebb and flow of the heart, beating or rising fully to the extent of another? when do we understand hate, and feel compelled to return it? the restrictions of expression often do not apply to emotions rooted so deeply, and this creates a scape too indefinite, too vast to define. these are pure, unique feelings, set apart from every other aspect of reality in a category still ineffable. they remain alone, untouched by the forever labeling psyche we contain, still as raw as the world before man and therefore indescribable. and though indefinable, these are as real, if not more than, anything else we know. some find this prospect frightening. sometimes, i am scared by the vastness of it. sometimes, and more often than not, i find it comforting. a prospect finally untouched by the sharp, grain-by-grain file cabinet of society. no matter how much they would like to control it, they can't. it is my own - it is your own. it lives inside, a different part of this world, our small five senses set aside and apart. some have reasons, others do not - and that's the beauty of it. one thing that needs no reason, yet continues to thrive above and beyond the throngs of earthly impurities. with no discernible place, it has a place of its own through every touch, breath, word, or intangible thought. it ties us together and breaks us apart. it is love; it is what we live.

i cleaned out my email inbox and found these random tidbits of nothing, sent to me from my phone, written late at night while lying in bed months and months ago for no reason. stories? no. poems? no. i don't really know what they are.



this is what i do, this is who i am.
each of us have our own interests, preferences, talents and downfalls, and these
are mine - all mine, things that cannot define someone else. whether it's the decisions you make or
how they're percieved, the variants are too great to place two side by side and
see no discernable difference.
whether you agree with me or not, this is how i choose to think, and it brings
me a comfort. a sense of self worth. your opinion won't change that, and maybe
that's what makes us different. either way...

i would like to explain some of these things about myself that make me
different. to start:
i speak french. i believe in love at first sight. i love animals. i enjoy the
simple things more than most others. my favorite word is "oak". i am easily
flattered. music is the very soul of my existence. i think retainers are cute.

okay, so maybe i don't speak french. but we all make things up sometimes. or if
not, maybe i should add that to the list of unique details to describe me.
but i really wish i could speak french; it's such a beautiful language. there's
something so romantic about the phrasing, pronunciation and expression used when speaking. how your voice fluctuates to express a syllable just so, and how, when spoken slowly, the words just seem to
melt on your tongue.
see, there's just something.


______________________________________________________________


(this came from an odd, dream i had a long while back..)


"you're the most beautiful thing i have ever seen," he countered, my previously
skeptical glance turned to a curious gaze. this boy must have had something a
little off in his head to think i was as good as all that. still, his innocent
persistance said something to me that kept me intrigued, if only slightly.
"can i have your number?" he asked, a new nervous pause preceding. shocked, but
amused, i gave in. what harm could it do?
"yeah, sure," i replied, waiting for a piece of paper or a cell phone.
"here," he stammered," lemme give you mine." he pulled out a folded paper from
his pocket and began fervently scribbling numbers onto it.
i looked at him, almost smirking, and took the pen out of his grip. i took his
left arm in my hand, then began to write.
when i let go and handed the pen to him, the look in his eyes matched that of a
startled faun.
was it really possible that i could have an effect on anyone, especially a boy,
to this degree?
even if it was genuine, i told myself, his interest would likely fade after getting to know the bland shell that is
my public face. even with someone so honest and naive, i couldn't open up. i
couldn't even try, or wouldn't know how to. i wouldn't allow myself, because i
didn't believe it was safe. it was never safe.
or, as some say:
we accept the love we think we deserve.
i've never felt deserving of something so pure and kind as this, and there was
certainly no way i would feel it now.
but this thought was only fleeting, free of the guilt i would usually feel. the
guilt of breaking hope, and the guilt of wasting another's time and effort on
such a pointless conquest. why, i couldn't say. but i was certain of one thing;
i needed to know why this boy was so suddenly and recklessly infatuated with me.
and i intended to find out, or lose him trying.

Finding comfort in everything
So comfortable you could just close your eyes and smile inside
Take a breath, find the clarity in life
Wonder what's all the strangeness about?
When it's so simple in this place, warm and pressed
up against a window in the back seat
Listening to your favorite band and flowing with the road's heat
I realize just how soft my pillow is
I'll have to take it with me and live this thing again.

twitterpated baby doll, you precious thing
honey fallen on my wing
my doe of eyes so bright and clean
a heart held with a tight red string

smile, don't hide your fright

let me take you for a walk out in the rain
it's not confidence i claim
this first fruit falls far from a tree
i'll see you, you can't see me

hide, don't lose your light
smile, don't hide your fright.

take me out in the cold midnight, i'll tell you right
those new grinning winning whites are not for me, alright
take me to your hands, and tangled, guide me for a while
taken like a child in a gown, i am tried and tired

smile, don't lose your light